Don’t get me wrong, this is what I thought I wanted to do… someday, be a stay at home mom. I had visions of a clean house, well-organized, with well-behaved and crafty children, diner on the table to welcome a husband home from work, myself showered and well-groomed with kids lined up to great daddy with a kiss at the door. You know, the perfect home as a castle fantasy.
What I didn’t dream was a shoulder injury that would kick me out of my career and make housekeeping difficult leaving me depressed and lost packing on over 50 lbs before pregnancy. A husband (whom I love dearly and wouldn’t trade for the world) who works from home. A “busy” little boy who HATES crafts and would much rather watch Mythbusters or Ice Road Truckers while recreating the myths and Ice roads all over my house with his hot wheels that seem to procreate in the night. Difficulty in having a second child while seeing 40 loom closer and closer. Myself hating vacuuming, laundry, dusting, organizing, cleaning bathrooms used by 2 males (for those of you with all girls, you really don’t want to know). Gastric bypass surgery in the hopes that serious weight loss will help with the infertility. Trying to figure out what I want to be when I grow up and dear God, please let it use more of my brain than I am currently engaging. Well, you get the idea.
So I say again, this wasn’t my choice, but it is my life, so where do I go from here?
I do miss my career. I was a surgical technologist, and according to those I worked with, I was a damn good one. I enjoyed the challenge of being a traveling surgical technologist, which means I moved across country every 3 months. New hospital with all new soon to be friends and different ways of doing things, new Dr.’s to learn their little idiosyncracies, new towns to find my way around. I LOVED it. It was a challenge, it was adventure, it demanded my full attention.
Then I came to Upstate New York. My parents lived in the area. My mom’s health was rapidly deteriorating. The hospital kept offering me a new contract every 3 months. I kept accepting. I stayed at that hospital as a traveler for over 4 years, 3 month contract at a time. I met my husband. We decided to stay in the area for my parents. Then the accident….
It was a normal day at work, but I fell off a step stool and caught myself on my table, pulling my shoulder in the process. For 2 years we tried physical therapy, cortisone injections, out of work, finally decided I needed surgery. By this time I was pregnant so we had to wait. I had shoulder surgery when T was about 9 months old. So hard to explain to a baby why mommy can’t pick him up. Three years I had been out of the OR and now I had an infant at home.
So, I didn’t choose this, but here I am and I’m trying to make the best of it.