They are always watching and learning.

June 20, 2011 at 11:30 am (Uncategorized)

I read a post this morning by The Diaper Diaries.  It really got me to thinking.  I’ve always tried to give Jim room to be the Dad he is and let them do things their way even if it was different from my way.  I must confess, however, to sometimes saying things that, if I was honest, would have sent me over the moon angry if they had been directed to me.

The other part that held some conviction for me was when she talked about God calling her friend out on teaching the kids disrespect by being disrespectful herself.  Ouch.  I haven’t noticed my son talking disrespectful but I do see his reactions and attitudes reflecting mine. Sometimes it’s not pretty and I’m convicted to try to change not only his reactions but first, my own.  Only if I change first do I have any hope of effecting a change in him.

I’m also reading a book by Marla Taviano, “Is That All He Thinks About?  How to Enjoy Great Sex with Your Husband.  I’ll be honest, I’m in a VERY dry spell.  I’m not only not interested in any marital relations, I’m really not feeling up to even cuddling, I just don’t want to be touched.  Not by my husband, not by my son, not even or maybe especially not by our dog.  I’ve always had sensory issues.  My parents tell me they used to have to wait until I was asleep to hold me, I just didn’t like to be held even as an infant.  But, God gave me a husband whose primary love language is touch.  WHY?!?!?!

Because I need to change.

He does that you know, that’s one of the reasons for marriage.  You help each other become who God wants you to be.  No matter what we may think, we always have some growing to do.

I sent my husband the link to her other book, “The Husbands Guide to Getting Lucky” I told him I wanted to read the one for wives, turn about is fair and all that.

I love the way Marla writes, just as if she’s sitting across from you talking, and she doesn’t pull any punches.

There was one part in the very first few pages that really hit me where I lived….

When she prayed about wanting her husband to change before she’d meet his sexual needs, God convicted her of conditional love at its worst.  Ouch.

She quotes 1 Corinthians 7:4

“The marriage bed must be a place of mutuality – the husband seeking to satisfy his wife, the wife seeking to satisfy her husband.  Marriage is not a place to “stand up for your rights.”  Marriage is a decision to serve the other, whether in bed or out.”

She goes on to put it this way…

“…sex is more than something you do or don’t do as you feel like it.  It’s an explicit command from our Creator.”

“…If God commands me to have sex with my husband and I don’t want to, does that mean I have a rebellious – a sinful – attitude?”

Oh dear, rebellion.

I would recommend this book to every wife who struggles in this area.

I’m still struggling, and my husband is wonderfully patient.  I have issues, I was molested as a child, but I can’t use that as an excuse and refuse to seek healing in this area, not if I want my marriage to be healthy and strong.  Not if I want my children to grow up and have healthy, strong marriages.  They are always learning, even when we think they aren’t even watching….



1 Comment

  1. Marla Taviano said,

    Thanks so much, Kara. Prayed for you and your hubby just now.

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